


I never meant to be the bad guy

by Glitchy_Outsider



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Complete, Crying, Deceit Sanders Angst, Derealization, Dissociation, Good Deceit Sanders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It's really quick tho-, It's still sad tho-, Sad Ending, Second Chances, Small twist in alternate ending-, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2020-04-12 04:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19124905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitchy_Outsider/pseuds/Glitchy_Outsider
Summary: Deceit's suicide notes to the other sides before he ends it all.





	1. Virgils note

Dear Virgil,

I'm writing this to you to tell you that I'm sorry for being the main side you hated. I know you would have never listened to me if I tried talking to you face to face- I'm not even sure if you'll read this. Knowing you, you'll probably throw this away in the trash without a second thought. Maybe you'll burn it. Who knows anymore?

It stings a bit to think about, but it's true. I know that you're angry at me for taking the forms of your friends (maybe because of how I look. Don't worry, I hate the scales too.), but I just wanted to feel welcomed. You all love eachother as if you all were a big family. I wanted to be like that too. For once, I wanted someone to talk to or to hug for no reason. It never happened. Knowing what im about to do, that'll never come true now. I can only dream.

You all threw me out like trash and called me the villain. Left me behind because I tried to help Thomas the only way I knew how. You did the exact same thing, yet they accepted you for who you were. Why not me, too?

I can't help it when I lie, but you all saw it as another reason to call me the villain. A villain who should never be trusted. A villain who should never be touched. A villain who should never be loved. Doesn't matter anymore, does it? I'll finally stop being a bother to you all. Trust me when I say it's for good this time.

Farewell, Virgil.


	2. Patton's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unlike the others, Deceit writes Pattons note filled with guilt.

Dear Patton,

Why couldn't I be apart of your famILY? Why couldn't I be the one you called 'son'? Was it because of my horrendous appearance? Or was it because I impersonated the ones you love?

I get it. You only love and cherish the 'good guys'. I'm not one of the light sides like Roman, Virgil, Logan, or like yourself, but I'm not a dark side either.

I'd be damned to let myself be associated to them. I'm neutral. I can help Thomas the best I could or I could leave him be. I've looked up to you three since we were young.

I never meant to be the bad guy. Since Virgil became apart of your famILY, you all (mostly Roman) jumped at the chance to call me a bad guy. Due to the scales, correct? I should have been angry that you all so quickly called me evil. 

No matter how much I tried, I just couldn't bring myself to despise you all. I felt like I had belonged with you all in a sick way. It was a cycle, really. 

Impersonate on of you, feel welcomed for a short while, then get called out and forced to be the villain. Doesn't matter anymore. I know you'll treat the new Deceit correctly after I leave.

I highly doubt you'll come after me, but if you want to for some reason, it's not worth it. I'm probably long gone past the subconscious. You'll probably fall in too if you try to save you and the others care about you too much for you to do such a thing.

Goodbye, Patton. I know you'll make things right with the new Deceit.

×××××××××

Deceit sobbed in his cold room after he finished writing his second note, this time to Patton. Even though they were never close, Deceit could feel the guilt slowly manifesting in his chest.

Taking a moment to do Thomas' '4,7,8' breathing technique before picking up the small letter with shaking hands. There were small stains on the paper where his tears fell onto.

It doesn't matter anymore. He just needs to finish up two more then he can finally leave for good.

They never cared about him, so why should he care about them?

Shaking his head, he folded up the note and set it beside Virgil's. Picking his pencil back up made him finally determined to to something for once. He was determined to finally leave his sorrow behind for forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Criticism is always welcome!


	3. Logan's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit decides to take a final look around after writing Logan's note before writing Roman's. Maybe he shouldn't have as he runs into someone unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably not clear, but it's like 3 AM in the story so everyone else is asleep. At least, everyone SHOULD be asleep.
> 
> Criticism is always welcome!

Dear Logan,

I didn't really know what to write for you at first. You were always so cold to me for a reason I probably know. I didn't mean to find out, I swear. You didn't realize it was me disguised as Patton.

Don't worry though, I'll keep it with me until the day I get replaced. Which will be soon, so no one besides from you will know unless you tell the others. I hope that makes you more comfortable instead of living in fear that I would tell the others.

Im getting off topic, I apologize for that. Either way, I'm sure you've guessed it (you are logic after all) that I am "comitting suicide". It isn't really suicide, I guess, I'll just disappear and then a new Deceit will replace me.

Make sure to look after Patton the moment you read this to make sure he doesn't follow me and do something dangerous.

I've always been envious of you all. All the love you share. All the hugs and warm cookies Patton make. All the Disney movie marathons Roman makes you all do. I couldn't be apart of that and I guess I never will be able to anymore.

Do you think there will be a heaven for us sides? Maybe even a hell? Who knows anymore?

It was nice knowing you all while it lasted, I guess. As a final word of advice- confess to them. They all love you back just as much as you love them. Please- for once- trust me on that.

xxxxxxxx

Scooting his chair back, Deceit got up and stretched, his bones popping as he did so. Sighing softly, he slowly sunk down before reappearing in the real world living room. He was gonna disappear soon, so why not?

Deceit's eyes watered as he took in the sight of the dark living room. He slowly walked around, running his gloved hands on the couch, the stair case, basically anything he could touch. 

"Lord, I'm going to miss this place.." Deceit whispered to no one. He was going to miss seeing the sides, even if he had to change his appearance. He was definitely going to miss showing up unexpected during the middle of a video. He chuckled sadly, wrapping his arms around his torso. "It's for the best.."

"What's for the best, kiddo?"


	4. Deceit was always idiotic, wasn't he?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some words are exchanged - both good and bad - and Deceit finally has enough of it and snaps at one of the sides.

Not expecting anyone to be up this late, the sudden voice had scared Deceit. He jumped, quickly turning around only to see Patton standing at the other side of the room. Through the darkness, Deceit could see worry etched onto Patton's face and his hands on his hips. Was Patton worried about... him?

Deceit almost made himself burst out into laughter at that thought. It was nice to think about, but all of the sides clearly hated him, so Patton wasn't worried about him. "Whaddya mean by 'its better this way', Deceit?" Patton asked, cocking his head to the side like a confused puppy.

For once in his life, Deceit was having trouble coming up with a good lie that would get him out of this situation. He just stared at Patton, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he contemplated on what to say.

What could he even say without giving away his plans?

Deceit forced his own arms down to stay by his side as he straightened his posture. Time to act like the villain they all see him as.

"Don't leave me alone, Morality. This definitely concerns you and the other sides." Deceit hissed, staring down Patton with narrowed eyes. Deceit should have never came down here, of course one of the sides would still be awake.

"Now Deceit, you don't need to be so rude about it! I just wanna help is all!" Patton pouted, crossing his arms over his chest, "Why don't you sit on the couch? I could make us some cookies!"

Why was Patton being so nice to him? Deceit racked his brain for an explanation, but he couldn't find one. Didn't they all despise him for how he acted?

Without getting an answer, Patton took Deceit's hand before taking him to the couch and sitting him down onto it. Patton smiled at Deceit before trotting off into the kitchen to make cookies for Deceit of all people

Maybe he could have a cookie as a last snack before he jumped into the subconscious. Yeah, that sounded like a nice idea. Deceit ignored the way his stomach twisted at the thought of jumping into the black pool of nothingness and instead got comfortable on the couch.

He curled up at the edge of the couch, leaning his head against a pillow shaped like a dog. Deceit slowly closed his eyes, feeling content and calm as listened to Patton move stuff around in the kitchen. After not sleeping for two days, Deceit could feel himself slowly nodding off.

\------------

"You fiend!" A loud voice boomed suddenly, jolting Deceit from his peaceful sleep. Startled, Deceit fell off the couch and onto the ground with a dull thud. He groaned in pain,one of his hands coming up and griping the side of his head as he slowly got off the ground.

Looking around, he found his hat on the coffee table with a small plate of cookies beside it along with Roman standing by the stairs with his sword out.

Deceit should have known not to come down here, how much of an idiot was he?

"You know you're not supposed to be here!" Roman spoke with his deafening voice. Deceit straighted up, using the hand on his face to instead grab his hat and put it on.

"I wasn't just leaving, Creativity. You can't put your sword down now, I'm a threat to you." Deceit glared at Roman just as he did to Patton. If they were going to treat him as a villain, then he might as well act like one.

Roman just glared back, huffing as Deceit grabbed the plate of cookies Patton left for him. "You put those back you foul beast!"

"Actually, _Roman_ , Morality didn't make these for me last night." Deceit rolled his eyes before he began to sink out.

Before he could go back to the solitude of his room, Roman swiftly made his way over, grabbing Deceit's shoulder and pulling him back up. Before he could comprehend what was happening, he was shoved onto the ground after the plate was ripped from his hands.

Over a plate of **fucking** cookies Patton had made for Deceit?! Deceit could feel anger bubbling underneath his skin and tears prick the corner of his eyes.

Deceit grabbed his hat off of the ground, putting it on after he stood up. His hands balled up into fists as he began to shake in anger. He wasn't going to hit Roman, he was just done with how they treat him.

"Way to be the 'hero' there, _Roman_! I haven't even done anything except accidentally fall asleep yet you're treating me like some criminal! It doesn't even matter anymore!" Deceit began to laugh hysterically as he tried to talk. Why did they all hate him? "Be the hero you think you are! At least I won't be the one you harass anymore!"

With that, Deceit sunk out into his room without giving Roman the chance to talk. Once he was finally alone, he threw his hat across the room before just sobbing. He pulled and tugged at his hair, trying to feel something, anything other than the overwhelming sadness he felt.

Deceit was always stupid, wasn't he? A new one will replace him soon. He won't have to feel this way soon.

He better start writing that final letter then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end, if it wasn't clear, Deceit gave up lying, so he's telling the truth.
> 
> Criticism is always welcomed!


	5. To Roman, the last note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit writes Roman's note, the last note he needs to do before he finally leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I took forever, but I finally got some motivation to continue the story! Not so proud with how it turned out, but I hope you enjoy either way!

Dear, Roman, 

Why was I the one that you always harassed? I never meant to be the bad guy, but you went ahead and did whatever you wished to do. Did it make you feel better about yourself? Did it inflate your ego? Jumping at the opportunity to call me the villain the moment you couldn't do it to Virgil? I'm sure you were hoping to make yourself look better in front of the other sides.

Tell me, how will they look at you once they figure out that you're one of the main reasons I'm gone? Please, treat Remus correctly until the new Deceit is able to look after him since he does tend to get out of hand at times.

I never really understood why it was me who you despised so much. It may have been my repulsive face (don't worry, I hate it too) or it may be how I can't help but lie. I get it, truly, I do, but that gave you no right. What I don't get is why I couldn't be loved for who I truly was. Remus only stuck around me because I enabled him. Allow him to do whatever he wants and he'll stick by your side like a puppy.

Sorry, it's surprisingly easy to get off topic. Please take care of the snakes in my room since it will take a few days for the new Deceit to replace me (make sure not to stay in there for too long. You'll have scales form onto your face). If you're thinking of trying to save me like the ' you are, don't. Just don't. I'll more than likely be gone by the time you get back from the imagination and read this, so it's no use.

Thinking of it, you probably won't read this note either. I can't really bring myself to care anymore.

Hopefully, you'll figure out what happened, and you'll read this note.

(P.S. Tell Remus that I'm sorry for not writing him a note like the others. I just want to leave this wretched place as quickly as possible.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's not clear, I'm not going to write a note for Remus. I'm sorry for people who enjoy him, I just don't know his character very well and I have no idea what I would write for him.
> 
> Criticism is always welcomed!


	6. Stop trying to help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit hands out his notes and someone tries to help him. It's not very appreciated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to cut the last chapter into two parts because I feel like i'm taking too long and im having some trouble with figuring out how to write out the rest.
> 
> (I also like keeping you in suspense) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

  Deceit sat stiffly at his desk, alone with his thoughts. He wanted to get up and just get it over with, but he just couldn't find the strength to. He tried to, but for the life of him, he couldn't.

  So, he just sat.

  Deceit sat, alone as always, with nothing but his thoughts, letters, and snakes. It was a pitiful sight, he knew. If one of the other sides walked in, he was sure the would ~~help him~~ laugh at him and to tell him to stop being lazy. His anxiety spiked at that thought alone. He knew it ~~probably wasn't true~~ was stupid, but it still caused him physical pain to think about it.  ~~Patton was too nice to do it anyway.~~

 

  Deceit slowly stood up from his chair, a blank look on his face. His whole body was sore and his legs felt numb. Just how long was he even sitting there? 

 

  Just staring and spiraling into his own madness.

 

  Picking up the letters off the desk, Deceit left his room for the last time. As the door made a soft 'click' behind him when it closed, he knew he should be feeling something. Something other than the overwhelming numbness that he was always on the verge of drowning in.

 

  Deceit stood outside of his room for a moment, staring f into space. He now realizes this was beginning to become a bad habit of his. It took a moment, but he managed to take control of his legs and walk towards Romans room first. He ran his gloved hands against the walls, feeling a small smile make its way to his face. When he made it to the Prince's room, he simply slid the note underneath the door. If he even bothered to knock, he was sure Roman would be annoyed and tell him off for ruining his 'beauty sleep'. He'd probably have another break down if Roman yelled at him.

 

  Turning around and walking across the hallway to Logan's room, Deceit knocked this time. Logan is the side who doesn't have 'feelings', so he should be the main one who doesn't harass him as much as the others do. Almost immediately, Deceit heard Logan say, "Come in", so he did. Deceit slowly pushed the door open, leaving it open in case a quick escape was needed.

 

  Upon entering, Deceit could see Logan at his desk, writing away at pages and pages of paper. He began to feel overwhelmed even though neither of them said anything. He shouldn't of come here, he should've just jumped into the subconscious with the letters on his bed. That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea now that he's thinking about it. He'll go do that right now actua-

 

  "Oh. It's just you, Deceit." Logan's stoic voice cut through his thoughts, "If you came here just to torment me, I advise you to just turn around and go back to where ever you came from." Logan never turned to look at him, he only continued to write on his many pieces of paper. 3 to be exact.

 

  Deceit fingered the letter in his hands, anxiety coming off of him in waves. "Actually," He wasn't even sure if Logan could hear him, "I didn't come here to give you letters."

 

  Silence.

 

  The silence quickly began to become too much for Deceit. He felt like he couldn't breathe, even though breathing is one of the easiest things to do. He'd rather have Logan berate him and yell rather than stand in silence. He was about to leave when Logan spoke up again.

 

  "Just leave it on my bed, I'm doing something important right now. You can trust me when I say that I'll read it later." Deceit didn't let Logan finish his sentence before he placed the signed letter to Logan onto the bed and rushing out of the room, slamming the door closed behind him. He winced when the slam of the door echoed down the hallway. He stood there, his back pressed against Logan's door as he desperately tried to take in deep breaths. He doesn't get why today of all days, he couldn't just **_breathe_**.

 

  After taking that moment for himself, Deceit walked the next room over to Virgil's room. He contemplated knocking or not. On one hand, he would love to see Virgil one last time and he could try to talk things our so they wouldn't end things once and for all on a bad note. On the other hand, Virgil hates his guts and would more than likely kick him out. Before he could make his decision, Virgil opened the door and almost walked into him. Deceit thrust the letter at Virgil out of panic, his brain taking forever to catch up with what happened.

 

  Virgil glared at Deceit, mumbling, "Fuck off, Deceit" before he slammed the door shut in Deceit's face. He blinked a few times before sighing deeply. He should've known Virgil wouldn't let him say anything. He knelt down, sliding Virgil's note underneath the door before standing back up.

 

  When Deceit turned to walk across the hall, he heard Virgil slide the note back underneath the door. Looking back, Deceit could see that Virgil had left it unopened and ripped in half. Nodding to nobody but himself, Deceit continued to walk across the tiny hall before he came upon Patton's light blue door. Like he did for Roman, Deceit slid the note underneath the door before beginning to walk back down the hallway. He was so close to freedom, he could practically taste it! All he had to do now was make it to the subconscious! He really did hope the others would take care of the new Deceit even though they hated him. There was no way he was going to go back now. Now, if he can make sure of it, nothing was going to-

 

  "Hey, kiddo!"

 

  What the fuck?

 

  Deceit slowly turned around to stare at the father figure of the sides. Patton stood there, hands behind his back and a nervous smile on his face.

 

  "Can we talk about this?"

 

  Deceits eyes widened as Patton brought Deceit's opened letter in front of him.

 

  How-

 

  "How did you read that so fast?" Deceit was genuinely shocked. How  **did** Patton read it so fast? Why was he even awake? He's supposed to be asleep. He knew Logan would be awake because he works so late and Virgil stays up because of his nightmares and insomnia, but Patton and Roman? They're the only ones with the correct sleep schedule.

 

  "Well," Patton looked away, lightly kicking at the ground, "After Virgil has his panic attacks, he doesn't really like to talk, so he writes things down or sends a text. Soooo..." Patton trailed off into a mumbled, before looking back up to Deceit, "Why don't we go downstairs and talk about it? We can even make cookies if you'd like to! Baking can really calm a person down, y'know?"

 

  Patton took a step forward, putting a hand onto Deceits shoulder, an encouraging smiled plastered onto his face.

 

  Why was Patton being so... nice to him now? It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Patton was supposed to hate his guts just like all the other sides do. He could go with Patton. Maybe Patton could help him feel something other than the numbness.

 

  But..

 

  "No."

 

  It felt too artificial.

  Too.. fake for it to be real.

 

  Patton's smile slid off his face, "Why not? We all really, really care about you, I promise!"

 

  Deceit slapped Patton's hand off his shoulder, huffing out a small, unbelieving laugh. "Actually, Mortality, I think you have it backwards here. I know for a fact that the others hate me with a burning passion." Patton opened his mouth to speak, but Deceit cut him off. He could hear a door open, but he didn't care at this point. "I don't see why you want to help me now off all times. You've never liked me nor my company. That's a fact and you can't lie to me of all people about that. Now, if you don't mind, because I surely don't, I have something I wanted to do for a long time."

 

  Not even bothering to give Patton a chance to speak, Deceit turned around and began to sprint down the hallway. All he had to do was make it to the door that lead to the subconscious. Hearing two sets of footsteps chasing after him only caused him to run faster. Why couldn't they just leave him alone like they've always have? Why do they care about him now of all times?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for now, hoped you liked it!  
> I promise i'm working on the second part, i'm just having a bit of trouble with it! This also has not been proof-read, so please comment any mistakes I've made and I'll fix them! Thank you for reading and following along!


	7. Who truly cares?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit finally gets his wish, even though it may not of been what he had truly needed, nor wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long! A while ago, I had told someone it would probably come out in three weeks, but I was too caught up in mid-terms! I finally had time to finish it, so I hope you all enjoy it! There's also a small, sad surprise at the end :)  
> Please tell me of any spelling mistakes!  
> Critique is always welcomed!

Deceit huffed and heaved for air as he made it to the hidden doorway. The door was a dark grey, almost the exact color of the walls. To see it, you’d have to of already known it was there or you have the misfortune of stumbling inside on accident. To his knowledge, only 3 sides have gone inside and never came back. One of them happened to be Remus. He did it when he and Roman were forced to be un-fused as one due to Thomas’ beliefs. At least Roman never comes near this door anymore. He always avoids it like the plague.

 

Turning his head to the left, Deceit could see Patton running towards him with Virgil on his heels. Why couldn’t they leave him alone? Don’t they know that he’s doing something good for Thomas. Jiggling the doorknob, Deceit found that the door happened to be locked. If Deceit didn’t get the door opened, Patton would catch up and stop him from doing anything stupid in the future.

Desperate, Deceit rammed his shoulder against the door and by some miracle, the door slammed open, causing him to stumble inside the dark room. Before Patton, and by extent, Virgil, Could catch him, Deceit dashed inside as if there was a fire. From inside, the room seemed endless, shadows darting across everything they could reach. Dark fog clung to his ankles and feet, causing it to get progressively harder to walk farther and farther inside. As he continued to march forward, he faintly heard Patton or Virgil screaming his name from the entrance. 

They were still there?

It doesn’t matter now. If he turned to look, he’d more than likely make his way back to them. He doesn’t even know if he’d be able to go back at this point. 

Exhaustion suddenly crashed over him like a tsunami. He hasn’t even been walking for that long, he shouldn’t be as tired as he’s feeling right now. Two hands grabbed the side of his head from behind, so he couldn’t see the person’s face. The rest of his energy were snatched from him, causing him to fall onto his knees. What was happening? It was getting harder and harder to think and remember what he was doing in here in the first place. Who was that screaming, oh so far away?

Everything felt so warm, like a blanket being wrapped around him. Who was he again? Unknown to him, tears began to stream down the sides of his face as hands began to tug at him.

It was getting so hard to think. What’s happening? A sick feeling of dread filled every inch of his body as the hands began to pull him onto the foggy ground. The fog covered every inch of him, making the room darker than what it appeared to be.

Before he closed his eyes, he idly wondered why he wanted to die in the first place.  
\------------------------

Virgil held a sobbing Patton at the entrance of the room that just took Deceit. Patton still struggled in his grip, trying to go after Deceit to help him despite it being too late. “Patton, please, calm down! He’s too gone for you to help him!”

“No!” Patton’s voice cracked, “No, no, no! He was one of my kiddos, Verge! I can still do something! A father always helps his kids! I have to help him!” Virgil began to drag Paton down the hallway as the door slammed itself shut. “Please, just cooperate with me!” Virgil’s heart clenched as Patton wailed as if he was in pure agony. Knowing how much he cared about the others, he probably was.

“Deceit wouldn’t have wanted this, trust me! We can help the new Deceit, he’ll be here any minute!” With that, Patton seemed to slump into Virgil’s arms. Virgil let out a sigh before continuing his trek to the living room. On the way, he got an agitated Roman (who quickly got out of his mood and carried Patton once he noticed that the man was crying) and Logan who slammed a notebook closed once Virgil walked inside.

Virgil knew that there was going to be a long day ahead of them and he wasn’t ready for it in the slightest.

\---------------------------------

Deceit grumbled as he turned to his side, pulling the blanket over his head as he did so. His whole body felt sore and he strangely felt cold. The blanket was weighed and he had a purple hoodie on, he shouldn’t be feeling cold all things. Ignoring the feeling, he tried to remember what he had done earlier, but quickly realized that he couldn’t recall anything. He sat up in a panic, causing him to fall off what he was laying on (he realizes it’s a bed now). Once he manages to get the tangle off his lower body, a man wearing a cat onesie and glasses burst into the room.

They both stared at each other for a moment before the man with the cat onesie began to cry. “You’re awake! You’re actually awake!” The onesie man rushed over and helped Deceit off of the ground before pulling him into a bone crushing hug. Did he know this man? Should he know him? And why was he hugging him?

Deceit tried pushing him away whilst huffing, “Don’t get off me!” Any other day, Deceit would love to get hug and cuddle with friends (Was this man his friend? If so, wouldn’t he remember?), but he didn’t know who this was- at least, he didn’t think so. The onesie man pushed himself away from Deceit with heartbreak clear in his eyes.

“Kiddo, you don’t… you don’t remember me?” The onesie man’s breath hitched and it looked like he was going to cry again. The man began to grow frantic, grabbing onto Deceit’s shoulders and shaking him, “You can’t just forget, especially after what just happened! Don’t leave us like this! We didn’t even get to properly say sorry!” Despite what the man said, Deceit could only wonder how one man could cry so much.

Deceit began to push him away again while yelling as loud as he can, in case anyone else was close by and could help him“You’re not a physco! Don’t get away from me!” When Deceit knee’s the crazy man in the crotch is when the man finally let go of him. The man crumpled to the ground and curled into a ball. Deceit felt a pang of sympathy for the man, but he couldn’t tell if the man was a friend or foe.

Seeing as the man had left the door open and was too busy being a crying mess, Deceit took that chance to run out. The hallway seemed too dark and too long to be normal. Choosing a random direction, Deceit began to run as fast as he could down the hallway. Deja vu hit him full force halfway down, causing him to stumble for a moment, but he felt as if he wasn’t far away enough yet, so he kept going. 

Although Deceit didn’t know the man, his heart still clenched in pity and worry for him as his wails and cries echoed down the hallway. Once Deceit deemed himself far away from the lunatic in the room, he slowed his pace down to a walk. Something about the man seemed vaguely familiar to him, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He swears that they met before, but he doesn’t know where.

Deceit shook his head to get rid of that thought. He would surely remember someone like that, especially since he had cried too much to be normal.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why were there so many hallways and doors? Anywhere Deceit went, there were more hallways, and even more doors. There was a pitch black hallway that he almost went into, but something told him not so, so he turned back around and walked away from it. He did the exact same thing to what he at first thought was a wall, but upon it was a door that blended in almost exactly to the wallpaper. Dread filled his stomach the longer he looked upon it and he felt as if he was going to throw up (He almost did, but he got his feet to work and he quickly walked away).

Deceit was about to give up when he finally found a staircase (The first one he’s seen since waking up, so it’s a good sign!) Taking a deep breath to prepare himself, Deceit slowly made his way down the steps into what he quickly found out to be a living room. He smiled to himself because he had finally found something other than a hallway. It quickly left his face, though, when he noticed a smartly dressed man sitting at the couch, reading some type of off-brand Sherlock book*. It should be fairly easy to walk past, seeing as the man on the couch seemed to be too into the book.

Deceit managed to sneak by him, keeping his footsteps as light as possible to not alert the man reading. Once he made it to the front door, he felt triumphant, but all that flew out the window when he opened the front door to find nothing. No houses, no bushes or trees, just pure white, empty space. That wasn’t possible, right? This had to be a dream of some kind. He’d wake up any minute now and this whole nightmare would be forgotten. He was too caught up in his shock that he didn’t notice the man on the couch had walked over and put a hand onto his shoulder.

The man slowly shut the front door before leading Deceit onto the couch. He saw a blanket appear in the man's arms before he laid it across Deceit’s lap. It was the same weighted blanket that was in his room (at least, he thinks it was his room) from earlier. Despite the weight the blanket gave, Deceit felt like he was floating away from his body, his head feeling as if cotton was being shoved in it and a slight ringing filled his ears. He heard the man in front of him ask something along the lines of “Would you like some tea, Deceit?” He felt as if he was on autopilot, simply nodding his head.

The man made an ‘o’ shape with his mouth before nodding in understanding before saying he’d grab one of Patton’s plushies too before he left into what he presumed was the kitchen, leaving Deceit alone with his thoughts. Who was Patton? Should he know who that was? Why can’t he remember anything? Why did the front door lead to anything?

 

Is any of this real?

Was Deceit real*?

Before Deceit could spiral further and further into his own mind, the smartly dressed man came down the steps (When had he gone up them?) and handed him a cat plushie before setting down a science themed mug filled with tea on the coffee table in front of him. The man sat on the other side of him, letting Deceit calm himself down and pull himself back into his body.

“I’ve notified the others that you’re down here.” The man spoke up once Deceit felt like he could use his body normally again, “I told them to give you a minute, seeing as you were dissociating for a minute and probably couldn’t handle too much interaction.” As if on cue, the onesie man came barreling down the steps, startling Deceit for a moment. Another man with a baggy shirt and black eye-shadow underneath his eyes along with a man who looked like a prince from Disney movies quickly followed. Deceit tensed up as the onesie man looked like he was going to start crying again (Although, it looked like he has been for the past hour or so and trap him in a hug again. The man beside him simply shook his head and said, “Patton, you can more than likely hug him later. Now is obviously not the time nor place for that.” Oh. The onesie man’s name is Patton? Who were the others then?

Patton simply nodded, sitting on the other couch, the eye-shadow man quickly following and sit close to Patton. The prince simply sat on the ground beside the coffee table. The smartly dressed man next to him cleared his throat so all eyes would be on him before he spoke, “Alright, since we all seem to be situated,” The man turned to Deceit, “Do you have any questions for us? Patton had told me that you didn’t seem to remember anything.”

Deceit slowly nodded, staring down at his lap. Huffing the cat plushie to calm him down, Deceit slowly asked, “Why do you all keep calling me that?”

“Call you what, Padre? I don’t believe that anyone is calling you anything rude, “The prince spoke up from the ground, his head tilted to the side.

“No,” Deceit sighed, “Deceit. Why do you all keep calling me Deceit instead of Damien? My name would make a lot more sense..” Deceit trailed off, letting silence engulf the room. When the silence continued though, Deceit shifted uncomfortably, squeezing the cat plushie and taking a deep breath. Did he do something wrong? He didn’t think so, he didn’t say anything bad. Gaining courage to look up at them, Deceit was only met with shocked faces and dropped jaws.

“You… you told us your name?” Patton asked. Deceit couldn’t understand what he was talking about. What his name really that bad?

“Was I not.. Supposed to?” Deceit just didn’t understand the importance of this. He woke up roughly two hours ago, Patton trapped him in a hug after he had fallen out of bed, and now they’re all shocked that he had said his name. What will happen next? Would they trap him in a room with black smoke so he would-

“You’re supposed to tell us your name after you’re comfortable and trust us. It’s supposed to be when you’re ready, not when you’re confused and don’t know us.” The man with black eyeshadow cut through his thoughts, “I’m guessing you don’t really trust us right now, do you?” The look of pity and sympathy in his eyes was overwhelming, causing Deceit to look back down at his lap in shame.

The man next to Deceit set a comforting hand on his shoulder, “It’s alright, you didn’t know and you’re confused, therefore, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Speaking of, which do you prefer? Damien or Deceit?” He asked, “We all want to make sure you’re comfortable around us.”

“I think…” Deceit mulled over it, tilting his head side to side as he pet the plush's head, “I think I prefer Deceit right now. I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels right and familiar to me.”

Looking back at them, Deceit saw everybody nod affirmative. Despite not knowing who everybody was yet, he knew he was in good hands. Even if he never truly gets his memory back, he somehow knows that there will be new and happy memories to be made. A tiny smile made its way to Deceit’s face as he saw the determination on all of their faces.

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Alternate Ending

Deceit rammed his shoulder against the grey door, but no matter what he did, it wouldn’t budge. Not even an inch. Before he knew what was happening, Patton caught up to him, tackling Deceit to the ground with a hug. Deceit grunted at the impact, his head slamming against the ground with a thud. Patton kept his arms tight around Deceit so he couldn’t move, crying into his shirt. Patton soaked his shirt, stuttering apologies through hiccups and tears.

Once Patton wore himself out and ended up falling asleep on Deceit’s chest, Virgil picked up Patton, carrying him carefully so he wouldn’t wake up. Deceit pushed himself off of the ground and before he could make his escape, Virgil gripped his forearm so tight, Deceit could feel Virgil’s fingernails digging into him through his shirt. “If you even try to, I’ll snap your neck for putting Patton through this.” Virgil hissed lowly, making Deceit walk with him as he began his trek back down the hallway.

Over the next few weeks, Patton hung out with Deceit more and ended up bringing him to movie marathons with the light sides. Surprisingly, they all were nice to him. He could even say they were somewhat like friends now (Except for Virgil, he was still wary, but Deceit understood and didn’t push it). Over time, Deceit even told them his name. At this point, he’d trust most of them with his secrets and life.

He went to bed happy, a smile not leaving his face until he fell asleep. Baking with Patton, reading with Logan, and going on adventures in the imagination with Roman would tire out anyone. The next morning, though, before he went down to the living room, he found a letter slid underneath his door. Warily picking it up and reading its contents, his heart dropped. Letting the letter fall to the ground as he quickly opened his door and rushing out into the hallway.  
\----------------------------

The grey door was wide open, glasses and a note-card with the word ‘I’m sorry’ sprawled across it sitting just outside the door. Ignoring the objects, Deceit ran inside with little thought. Far ahead of him was Logan, who was still walking through the thick, black fog. The door slammed itself shut as Deceit ran after the logical side.

Despite the door no opening the first time, Deceit still managed to get inside. Only, this time, he did it to try and save on of his best friends. Virgil, Patton, and Roman didn’t know until there were crashes from Deceit's and Logan's rooms*.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *off-brand Sherlock book- This is the play/script Roman had got Logan for a Christmas present!  
> *Was Deceit real?- Deceit doesn't know that he's not an actual person at this point of the story! He's also dissociating at this point too!  
> *until there were crashes from Deceit's and Logan's rooms- When they're 'killed' in the room, I imagine the 'new' (They're the same aspect, their memories are just gone) aspects manifest in their rooms and to alert the other aspects, there are loud, almost deafening crashes/ thuds so the other aspects are able to care for them during their time of unconsciousness.


End file.
